Photo of the Week
05/17/2012
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Parents Connect: Making the Magic Last
05/16/2012
Judy M. Miller, MA
 New to parenthood? If you answered “yes” or nodded in agreement then you should consider attending Parents Connect, one of the recent additions to MLJ Adoption Inc.’s broad educational offerings.
Welcoming a child into your family through adoption is an opportunity for a new beginning; new relationships, expectations (even though we emphasize, in adoption preparation education, that you should keep your expectations low) and dreams are created. This is an exciting time. However, research shows that the challenges of becoming new parents often include emotional changes, and these can extend beyond the parents’ relationship, leading to compromised parenting and a decreased quality in parent-child interaction. Approximately 67% of couples report a significant drop in relationship satisfaction in the first year of becoming parents or expanding their family.
The greatest gift you can give your child is a healthy, strong relationship between you and your partner. We will examine the skills that the other 33% of couples, who report stable or increasing satisfaction with their partner, utilize on a daily basis. In Parents Connect we will focus on transitioning to parenthood, the process of “becoming,” of moving from “me” to “we,” and maintaining the level of satisfaction in your relationship, all within the framework of adoption. This course addresses sensitive and responsive parenting to help promote healthier emotional, social, cognitive, and physical development for children. In Parents Connect we will cover the following:
- Changing relationships—roles and identities
- The new meaning of time
- The characteristics of a magical relationship
- Steps for making the magic last and how that impacts the child(ren) you are raising
- Friendship, intimacy and sex
- Conflict and conflict resolution
Learn the skills necessary to focus on your relationship, to create and maintain the strong foundation you and your child needs. Parents will be given exercises to practice during this workshop, with the idea that these skills must be carried forward in time and practiced at home. In fact, the motto of the workshop is “Small Things Often,” as all of the skills are doable, but they must be practiced frequently for a couples’ friendship, intimacy and problem-solving to thrive.
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Chimpanzee: The Movie
05/15/2012
Judy M. Miller, MA
 ** Spoiler alert. **
Like most, my kiddos are fascinated by the animal kingdom. So we enthusiastically went to see Chimpanzee—the nature documentary produced by Disneynature. Geared for the younger set, the G-rated Chimpanzee centered on a cute young chimp—“Oscar.”
Chimpanzee was placid. There was little action, little adventure, no gore, and, of course, since chimps don’t speak in the sense that we do, no foul language. The movie was narrated by comedian and actor Tim Allen, to the point of boredom for my active ten-, twelve-, and fourteen-year olds.
Sure, there was interest—when the chimps hunted their meat source and when the "rival" tribe appeared to challenge Oscar’s. And there was some real concern about Oscar’s loss. Other than that there was a lot of "shushing," because my kids weren’t buying the concept of “good” and “evil” chimp communities. Oscar's adoption wasn't given enough examination. The story wasn't holding together for them; it felt contrived.
It was not until the credits rolled and the theater had emptied out that my kids’ interest was piqued. Here was the real story and drama—reading how the population of chimps has been decimated and is now critically endangered and on the brink of extinction, witnessing how difficult the actual filming of the chimpanzees had been in the tropical Tai Forest located in the Ivory Coast (on the south coast of the western bulge of Africa, sufficiently northwest of DR Congo) and why the “adoption” of Oscar, never seen in the wild and covered during the last portion of the film, by the alpha male Freddy, was so significant.
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You're Invited to the 2012 Adoption Picnic
05/14/2012
Jordan Tarr
 You’re invited to attend the 4th Annual MLJ Adoptions Picnic.
If you aren’t already familiar with our event, this picnic is a family favorite! Come and join us as we celebrate the homecoming of children from around the world! This is a great opportunity to chat with families who have completed their adoption, and hear about their journeys and joy of giving a child a home. We also encourage you to engage with our staff and ask any questions you may have about what we do here at MLJ. Hear stories, gain support, ask questions, and enjoy the company of family and friends. Please feel free to bring anyone interested in adoption or orphan care along. The more the merrier!
Main entrée, drinks, and activities provided. We ask each family to please bring a side dish. We have had fun activities for the kids such as a bounce house, bubbles, and face painting! Come see what we have in store this year!
When: June 24, 2012
3:00-6:00PM
Where: Garfield Park – Shelters 3 & 4
2505 Conservatory Drive
Indianapolis, Indiana 46203
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A Mother's Day Reflection
05/11/2012
Kathy G. Slaughter, LCSW
 This coming Sunday is Mother’s Day. For most children, including adopted children, Mother’s Day is a time of celebration, appreciation, and love. But not for me.
I hate Mother’s Day. I hate it distinctly, clearly, and without reservation. Some years I am so full of anger I simmer with it for days. Other years I simply block it out completely, forgetting its existence until someone reminds me in casual conversation. As the years pass, it is more frequently the latter.
As you might have realized, the reason I feel so strongly about Mother’s Day, is that I lost my mother when I was sixteen years old. When you see me, you can’t tell from my appearance that I am a daughter without a mother. In fact, even if you know, the fact that I lost my mother is probably the last thing that comes to your mind, at this or any other time of year.
Invisible loss is something I share with adopted children. When people see families built through international adoption, who are a blend of skin tones, of hair textures, and personalities, the first thoughts through their minds are ones of curiosity and confusion. Most people don’t think about what the adopted child has experienced and lost. Most people can’t imagine the adopted child’s life before they joined their forever families.
For most of us our thoughts are about the present and the future. We don’t often consider the invisible loss of the past.
As a little girl growing up, I never planned to lose my mother. I thought she would be there for me always, through all the events of my life, large and small. I never planned for her years of illness, all those trips to the hospital, and those many frightening moments. I never planned, after she died, to be reminded by every passing holiday and significant occasion of my loss. While I built new traditions for Thanksgiving, for Christmas, and for Easter, I have been unable to dilute the powerful reminder of Mother’s Day. My invisible loss still haunts me, especially at this time of year.
If you are a prospective parent considering international adoption, I urge you to consider the invisible loss your future child once endured. Becoming an orphan is never Plan A for any child. Just like the early loss of my mother is something I could never imagine and something I will never forget.
I hope you will understand that your child’s celebration of Mother’s Day will always be a bit ambivalent and complicated. Adoption begins with loss. The next chapter, however, is the new beginning and the new family that you have the opportunity to create.
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Photo of the Week
05/10/2012
For more information on each country please click on the country name: Bulgaria, the Democratic Republic of Congo, Honduras, Nicaragua, Samoa, Ukraine.
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Adoption Mother's Day Gifts
05/09/2012
Brooke Randolph, LMHC
Mother's Day can be a complicated day if infertility or adoption has been a part of a woman's journey to motherhood. Some adoptive families will need to share the day by celebrating a birth mother. Other families may not know what to do when Mother's Day falls during the waiting period between starting the adoption process and meeting the child for the first time. If you are shopping for a Mother's Day gift for someone who has grown their family through adoption or is waiting for her child to come home, here are some gift ideas specific to adoption.
 Jewelry
Books
Art Prints
Attire
For more information about international adoption and our international programs please click here.
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