Some of our African Staff
09/03/2010
Sonja Brown
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Parenting Transracially
09/02/2010
Judy Miller
 Do or will you parent transracially? One of the most challenging things to do as a parent of transracially adopted children is to help them see themselves for who they are, as well as, understand how others perceive them and will treat them because of their own biases and prejudices. Especially if you’re a white parent.
Parenting children who have been adopted requires that parents step up their “game,” helping their kids confront and cope with possible loss, grief, rejection, control, and identity issues. Parenting transracially ( roughly 73% of adoptive parents) is an additional “layer” of parenting. Parents have to step out of their comfort level because they are most likely functioning in an area here they have little to no life experience.
I hope you will join me on September 28th, from 6-8PM for Parenting Transracially. We will discuss how you can prepare for your child’s burgeoning identity and help them in the process, especially when you don’t “match” with your child? This class will cover ideas and strategies and provide a list of resources for doing a good job as a transracial parent. Find out more and sign up through the Client Care Database or by calling MLJ. This class is open to both clients and the community for $50 per family. MLJ clients will receive two elective credit hours for their participation.
Judy Miller is an adoptive parent and adoption educator and coach living in the Midwest with her husband and four children. She works with MLJ clients as a long distance education coordinator.
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Having a Family
09/01/2010
Lauren Tarr
 God created my family and I am so glad that I have them. My dad, my mom, my brothers and my sisters all care for each other, because that is what a family does for each other. I am proud of my family because they help me through everything - friends, homework, and a lot of other things. A family is a special blessing, it's being loved.
I am proud of my mom because she works to find children families. That is exactly what she did for me, my two sisters, and my brother! My mom is always happy when somebody gets adopted. Sometimes my mom has us pray for a family she knows or the children she is trying to help. I wish that all children had families that love them.
Having a family is being together when it matters. My family is crazy, and we argue, but we still love each other. Most families DO NOT ALWAYS GET ALONG GREAT!!!!!! They fuss, they whine, they hit, they smack, they kick, ... (Totally not perfect) but they are there for each other. Parents teach you what is important, everything from manners, God, and how to behave.
Families are great, and what I really like about families are the members of the family. The whole gang is what matters. They love you no matter what you do (even if you even broke something). My family is the best and I love them very much.
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The Most Vulnerable Orphans
08/30/2010
Lydia Tarr
I love my job... and I especially love working with the children! It is such an incredible feeling to see children coming home to loving families. Even more wonderful is when I have the opportunity to witness the changes in the lives of the children - how they blossom with the love, security and opportunities a family provides.
Despite the positives my job provides, one of the most difficult challenges is knowing there are the children that I may not be able to help find families. The ones that are overlooked because they are not perfect. They are the most vulnerable; the older child, the ones with disabilities, the large sibling group... How do I help them?
I know of a beautiful 18 month old girl with infantile cerebral palsy; a healthy, smart and handsome six year old boy needing an operation and prosthetics; a sibling group of three boys ages 5-10; a sibling group of four; a six year old girl with developmental delays… all of them in such need for a family. How can we help them?
At MLJ ADOPTIONS, INC. we are developing a special needs program because it is our heart to make families aware of these precious children and do all we can to connect them to families. If you are open to a child who may need extra love and care, or if one of the children mentioned above pulls at your heart, please email me. Who knows what may happen? Be the first to comment on this item.
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Adoption and Your Child's Privacy
08/23/2010
Andi Snyder
 As I cruise around the world wide web, a large part of my time is spent perusing adoption blogs and articles. It is a great way to get educated and connected. You can read about other's adoption stories and even become "friends" with folks you might not otherwise meet. But when it comes to adoptions and our children, how much is too much to share?
As an adoptive parent (or just a parent, period) I know how hard it is to not want to brag about your kids constantly. Who doesn't? First smile, first giggle, even first poop - we want to share it all. Just how much should we be sharing though? Sit back and think for a minute about what things you might not want anyone to know about you when you were a child. Do you really want all of your friends and their friends to know when you first used the potty? Or when you first wet you pants? These are silly pretty innocuous things, but with adoption there is even more that can be inadvertently harmful to share regarding our children and their story.
When you adopt a child, no matter their age, their story began way before you ever became involved. Even if you adopt a newborn, there are areas of their life that took place before you ever met them. Their mother has a story, their father has a story, their siblings have a story; all of these pieces make up the intricate puzzle that is your child's life story. For instance, the circumstances surrounding your child's conception are really not details you may want to share with the community at large. Do you think your own parents discuss openly how you were conceived? Or the circumstances surrounding it (were they married or unmarried, were they dating, was it a one-night-stand)? These are all things you wouldn't dream of letting or wanting your parents to talk about, but they are things that I see openly discussed or alluded to when it comes to adoption. 
Another example that comes readily to mind is drug or alcohol use. It is often viewed as okay to ask an adoptive parent if his or her child's first mother used any harmful substances while pregnant. Would you ever think of volunteering that information if you were the one who were pregnant? Of course you wouldn't. So please do not assume that it is okay to share that information about your child's first mother. Aside from this being a violation of her privacy, it also can set your child up for assumptions to be made about him or her. If he or she has a behavior problem? Well, it must be because his mother drank while pregnant. If she has a hard time adjusting to school? That must be because her mom smoked marijuana during the first trimester. As parents we don't want anyone to think our children are not capable of something for any reason. Let's not give others a reason to think less of our kids.
Lastly, remember that your child's story is just that - their story. You do not own your child, nor do we own their personal details. We want to love, nurture and cherish them, and a big part of that begins with allowing them the privacy to which they are entitled. We want them to hear the details of how they came to our family from us, not from others. Be careful what you share, even with family members. Think about how you want your children to learn about the circumstances surrounding their adoption. Do you want someone else to tell them or would you want it to come directly from you? As our children's parents we want them to feel safe and secure. It is our job to protect them from things that may harm them physically or emotionally. Details about their first family and adoption are best coming from you. Your child trusts you and loves you. Sharing this vital information with them directly inside of your special relationship is one way to protect them from misinformation that others may provide.
Adoption is a private matter. Even if we want to educate others, let's not do so at the expense of our children's privacy. Keeping information within the confines of your family is the best way to ensure that your child, and his or her birth family, are protected.
This article written by one of MLJ Adoptions' Outreach Coordinators is reposted with permission
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You're Invited to the 2010 Adoption Picnic
08/17/2010
Nicole Skellenger
We hope you can join us for our third annual MLJ Adoption Picnic!
The picnic is a great opportunity for adoptive parents to meet others who have adopted and share stories, support, food, and fun. It is an opportunity for your children to meet other kids who may have a similar experience. For prospective adoptive parents, you will have a chance to speak with those who have gone through the experience, as well as our team! Please bring with you anyone who is interested in adoption or orphan care, including all family and friends too!
Drinks, main dish and activities will be provided.
All in attendance are asked to bring a side dish or desert. Last names beginning A-R, please bring a side dish. Last names beginning S-Z, please bring desert
Where: FOREST PARK, 701 CICERO ROAD, NOBLESVILLE IN SHELTER #1 ( google map)
When: SEPTEMBER 18, 2010 4:00 – 7:00 PM
Please RSVP on facebook or by emailing Nicole. We look forward to seeing you there!
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"Amazing Grace": book review
08/10/2010
Bonnie Kulenkamp
 Last night our family started a new tradition; we read a bedtime story together. As a teacher I get many books through Scholastic, so we have a good collection at home for Story to read as she gets older. Since my job focuses on developing reading skills in children I figure I can share this knowledge with you, while I begin to cultivate emergent reading skills in my daughter. IT IS NEVER TOO EARLY TO START READING!
Last night I rifled through the stack of books to pick out a perfect book for our first bedtime story. There were lots of good books, but one stuck out for me when I saw the cover.  I am ashamed to say that over the years I have not collected very many books with African American characters. My first year of teaching, when I bought many of the books in my collection, I was at an all white private school. Also, when it comes to white vs. black characters, there are more books out there with white. If there are black characters, they usually take a back seat to the main character or are just in illustrations. I never fully noticed this until I began teaching in an urban school district; even then, I didn't really get it until I began the process of adopting an African child. My collection was grossly one sided.
Amazing Grace is written by Mary Hoffman, illustrated by Caroline Binch, published through Scholastic Books, and featured on Reading Rainbow, the American PBS television show. The plot revolves around the main character, Grace, who has a very good imagination, and highlights her many adventures in acting out stories she has read. Grace is told by her mother that she can be anything she wants to be - the underlying theme of the book. When Grace is told her class is going to be putting on a play for the story Peter Pan, Grace volunteers to try out to be Peter. She is told by her classmates that she cannot be Peter because she is a girl and Peter is not black. The pictures are beautifully illustrated and colorful. Children will enjoy finding Grace's cat in each of the photos and pointing out what stories Grace is acting out.
Here are some questions you can use when reading this book as a family. The level of questioning depends on the age of your child and his or her maturity.
- How do you think Grace feels when her classmates tell her she cannot be Peter?
- If you were Grace, what would you say to the classmates? How would you react?
- If you overheard a classmate hurting another classmate's feelings, how would you respond to the situation?
- What are your favorite stories to act out? What are your favorite characters to pretend to be?
- What are the best ways to respond to classmates and friends when they hurt your feelings?
- Have you ever heard someone say something like this before? How did it make you feel? What can we learn from this experience?
- What are some famous characters and people that are black? Would it be okay for a white person to play this character?
This was a great book for our first family reading. I recommend it to other families - no matter what color your are. I believe that children and adults are not colorblind. They see race issues in their environment, on television, and in the media. They pick up on the opinions of adults, as well as their anxieties. To overlook discussing these issues with your child may mean they are unprepared for situations that may come up in school, the playground, or otherwise. Discussing these topics will empower them to act "gracefully" (pun intended) and feel empowered when a negative situation is witnessed or overheard. Our world is becoming more of a melting pot of cultures and skin colors; children need to be prepared for an environment in which all are treated equally and fairly. Be the first to comment on this item.
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