Answering Questions About Adoption From Family and Friends

22
Jan

ID-100161684The international adoption process is anticipated to be a time of joy, happiness and excitement. Many though, find themselves dealing with stress, impatience and anxiety many times as a result of family and friends giving unwanted advice and opinions.

Adoptive parents who begin the process anticipate that family members and friends will be supportive, helpful and excited as well. But for many this is not the case and they find that some of the most important people in their lives are making the adoption journey more stressful and some try to even discourage the decision.

While the adoptive parents are guided through the process and informed on how the adoption process will unfold, extended family members and friends do not receive such information and guidance. Many adoptive parents find that those they expect will support them in their adoption journey will instead question every new development and every step along the way. Some will even criticize or try to discourage.

Below are some typically questions asked by loved ones and answers adoptive parents may want to respond with.

1. Why are you adopting internationally when there are so many children in the US in need of a family?

The orphan situation in the U.S. pales in comparison to the need of orphans worldwide. There are far fewer orphans in the U.S. available for adoption compared to the estimated 147,000,000 orphans worldwide. As a result, there are not as many available children in the U.S. as there are internationally. Additionally, the international adoption process provides a home to an orphan more quickly than waiting for an available infant in the U.S., which in some cases can take years to complete.

2. Why does international adoption cost so much?

The international adoption process requires the assistance of many individuals and organizations to complete. There are legal professionals both in the US and in the country you are adopting from working on your adoption. There are translators, court filings fees in both countries, travel costs, immigration costs, home study costs, and the list goes on and on. Basically there are many professionals on both sides of the pond making sure your adoption is legally and ethically completed!

3. Why does the adoption process take so long?

Again, the legal process of adopting a child goes through several legal channels and government agencies in both countries. This takes time not only in the U.S. but in foreign countries as well, especially if you are adopting from a country with very little resources. Additionally, many countries and cultures do not have the same regard for time as we do in the U.S.

4. Will a child of a different background fit into your family dynamics?

If you have chosen to adopt, you have already given great thought to this question yourself. Explain why you wish to adopt from your country of choice and that you have given this topic much thought already and while you appreciate their concern, your decision has already been well thought out. You are prepared to integrate this child into your loving home and into your family and you hope they will welcome and love this child just as you will.

Lastly, remember that while family and friends mean well, they do not understand the adoption process and many times your motivation to adopt. While family and friends love you, they are not adoption professionals and are not an authority on the adoption process. Always consult your agency with concerns rather than family and friends!

 

Photo Credit: artur84

Sonja Brown works as the International Program Director for MLJ Adoptions’ programs in Burkina Faso, Democratic Republic of Congo, Haiti and Samoa. Sonja is also proud to work directly with our Individualized Country Program families who are adopting from countries where no adoption service providers currently operate.

Sonja Brown works as the International Program Director for MLJ Adoptions’ programs in Burkina Faso, Democratic Republic of Congo, Haiti and Samoa. Sonja is also proud to work directly with our Individualized Country Program families who are adopting from countries where no adoption service providers currently operate.