Find the first part of Lindsey’s story in Part 1.
Supporting birthmothers on Birthmother’s Day and Mother’s Day is easy. We treat them and honor them just as we would any mother. We make sure a card with a little surprise arrives (jewelry, flowers, chocolates, etc.) at their door on Saturday morning. We make sure we call them and tell them how much they are loved on Mother’s Day. We have found that Mother’s Day is a hard day for many birthmothers. As an adoptive mother, I am not offended when "my" birthmoms tell me they are having a hard time. I listen. I tell them how dearly they are loved. Sometimes we cry together. They know in our house that they are revered even if the rest of world ignores them.
This leads me to my concluding thought. If you love someone who has placed a child for adoption, please know it is disrespectful to express disapproval for the choice they made to place on Birthmother’s Day and Mother’s Day. (I personally think it is inappropriate any day of the year, holiday or not.) If you know someone who placed a child for adoption, please don’t ignore her on Mother’s Day. Please don’t pretend like she was never pregnant and never had a child. Please don’t forget to wish her a happy day, send her a card or make a phone call. And birthmothers, please know that it is okay to feel sad and it is even more okay to spoil yourself! Take yourself to brunch, buy a new outfit, go see a movie or give yourself flowers… and let people know what you need. It’s okay to be needy at least one day out of the year!
The reality is that these women are mothers. They are birthmothers. They are special. They are to be honored. They want to be revered.
To my Nicole and Joniece, we owe you the world. My heart overflows with gratitude when you are in my home, when we chat on the phone, when I get an email from you. You are like my sisters, my daughters and my best friends all rolled up into one. I truly do not know where or what I would be on this Earth without you. I pray God’s choicest blessings on you daily. You are always in my heart. I don’t know what else to say besides, "Thank you!"
Whereas I used to dread Mother’s Da
y, I now look forward to it. I also look forward to Birthmother’s Day as honoring and remembering "my" birthmothers helps me to more fully appreciate my motherhood on Mother’s Day. My journey to motherhood has not been easy and certainly streaked with many tears, but I feel like I truly reverence this weekend because of the journey and because of the sacrifice of our boys’ birth parents.