May 1, 2010
If you were to browse the internet, there are many posts about Mother‘s Day and the childless. The fact is, there are many other women facing the reality of being childless this Mother‘s Day. It’s difficult to see yourself amongst many when you are in this situation. Rather, it is very easy to feel isolated and alone.
My husband and I were married in July of 2003. Our plan was to immediately begin having children; God had other plans. Three rounds of Clomid, three rounds of artificial insemination, four rounds of IVF, and three miscarriages later, we had come to the realization that God had not created me to biologically bear children. My attitude about and my ability to face my infertility went through stages. I lived with feelings of denial, sadness, grief and anger. While many would have felt helpless after years of treatment, I became determined to conquer this “monster“. I felt as if I had won the battle each time I became pregnant, only to be devastated yet again. In retrospect, I can see how God was using this process to refine me. He was showing me that I needed to “let go“. He brought me to my knees and I felt my heart begin to change. Instead of hanging onto the control, I began to take comfort in the fact that I didn’t need all the answers. I didn’t need to feel the pressure when I failed. My Heavenly Father, who has all the answers, is my Guide.
My husband and I began to discuss the possibility of adoption. We began to pray about it and looked to God’s Word to guide us in our decision. We have seen His plan unfold before our eyes. We are now getting ready to travel to the other side of the globe to bring our children home. We are excited to see what He has in store!
Through this experience, God has also taught me to reach out to others. The people that He has placed in my life are His hands and feet. As Mother’s Day approaches, surround yourself with people that are going to be uplifting. Spend time with Jesus. Soak Him in and relish in His love and comfort. Feel His peace. Rest in the hope that God offers us through His Word. Celebrate your mother, grandmother, aunt or others in your life who have taken a caretaking role in your life.
For many years, I have prayed that God would make each Mother’s Day my last without children. This Mother’s Day, I am going to thank God for His sovereignty. I’m going to praise Him for His awesomeness. I’m going to approach His throne with an open heart so that I can learn what He is teaching me. I’m going to pray for the many that yearn to be mothers this Mother’s Day.