I have had a passion for adoption for many years. My first paper in my first college course was about international adoption. When my husband and I started dating I would mention it casually; he would always change the subject. I remember times when I felt this piece of me would never be fulfilled.
March 1, 2010
Don’t get me wrong, Brad has always had a heart for kids, children and animals have always loved him, but he wasn’t excited about adopting. We weren’t really discussing it; it was more me talking and telling him what I wanted. I prayed about this often, and now I understand God was simply preparing us individually and as a couple for this journey.
I won’t forget the night that the one-sided discussions of adoption turned into a two-sided discussion. Brad said he was mostly fearful about bonding issues and wanted to adopt an infant. My first thought was, ‘really? I enjoy and value my sleep…’ but this was important to Brad. If this made Brad more comfortable, I was all for it. We agreed international adoption was the route for us and discussed which countries were of interest to us.
Around this same time, Connection Pointe was hosting an adoption information seminar; MLJ Adoptions, Inc. was there to give an overview of the process. I had done research on adoption agencies and MLJ is one of only a handful of agencies in the Indianapolis area that is Hague approved.
Brad and I held a family meeting to include our 13 and six year old daughters in the discussion about adopting. Our girls were excited about adding to the family. I felt comfortable that Brad was not only on board, but getting prepared for this also; he started telling a few people he worked with and his buddies. He even started making plans to give up his man cave to convert it to a bedroom.
No amount of discussion can prepare you for getting matched with your baby. On February 3, I received an email with a picture (the referral) of identical twin infant girls from a country in Africa. I was shocked and thrilled. I immediately called Brad to discuss. We thought we had discussed everything (age, gender, country), but it never even crossed out minds to discuss twins. We just assumed we’d adopt one child.
Obviously, we said yes, but our initial reactions varied. I was excited and nervous, but immediately felt bonded to these babies. Brad was nervous about adopting two, and he had initially hoped for a boy. Our 13 year old was thrilled and immediately started planning their cheerleading careers. Our six year old wondered why we were adopting babies that didn’t look like us, yet was excited to decorate their room. These are the real reactions that we needed to address as a family so we could move forward.
We are all so excited about adding to our family. We also understand the risks associated with adoption (the adoption process can be volatile when dealing with foreign governments), but as much as we attempt to stay guarded about what could happen, there is no way to guard your heart from falling in love with your babies. Right now, we are in the midst of the paper chase, completing our home study requirements, and fundraising to bring our babies home. I have no doubt that God put this desire in my heart, and will provide financially to make this happen.
I often talk to women who have a heart for adopting but say their husbands aren’t as interested. I was in their shoes. God is bigger than any fear any we or our husbands may have about this process. The night we named our babies, Brad took the lead. He chose our baby girls’ first and middle names. At first, I wondered who is this man and where is my husband? Now, I thank God for preparing him and giving him a heart for adoption, humbling and slowing me down, and preparing our family for this journey called adoption.