And What of the Fathers?

My children rarely ask about their birth fathers. Their questions and comments focus on their birth mothers. When attempting to steer them in the direction of birth fathers, I’ve had little luck.

I can’t walk in my kids’ shoes. But I try as hard as I can to understand their perspectives, some way to relate to why they feel the primal connection to their birth mothers and not their birth fathers. What I’ve come up with is this: I was conceived inside, nurtured by and carried within my mother for close to ten months. Although I have no recollection of any of this, something within me does. My mother is permanently etched within me. Cellular memory? My subconscious? I don’t know.

My mother and I had the most intimate of relationships, a primal intimacy. I was created deep inside her core. I grew inside her, encased within her womb, protected and nurtured by her body. I knew her voice, her smell, her movements, the sounds of her heartbeat, and the feel of her long before she expelled me into the world. I literally depended on my mother for my very existence.

My children experienced all of this as well. I remember this each and every day. My children’s connections with their birth fathers was not remotely close to the experience of being within and dependent upon their birth mothers, no matter how involved they may have been. No matter what their unique stories were…

Father’s Day is not celebrated by my children’s birth countries, however I will think of my children’s birth fathers, as I often do. And as we celebrate Father’s Day, I will continue to be thankful for my kids’ birth fathers and for the wonderful man in my life and theirs who is an amazing father to all of our children.

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MLJ Adoptions is a Non-Profit, Hague-Accredited adoption service provider located in Indianapolis, Indiana, working in Africa, Eastern Europe, Latin America and the Pacific Isles. We are passionate about serving children in need.